Life in the Pro League, or the Lack Thereof!
by DancingKirby
Summary: Ryo just wants to be left alone! Who cares about agents and endorsements? Drabbleish pieces, slightly AU. Chapter 22: A little epilogue thingie to tie up some loose ends.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or GX. However, the idea of what the Pro League is like is mostly mine. At least, I think so...

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Why had he agreed to do this?

He could be doing things that were much more constructive than this. He could be practicing his techniques, or researching future opponents, or taking English lessons. Anything but this!

Shooting a commercial for a new brand of duel disk was not even his idea! It was the idea of his stupid agent.

"Everyone has endorsements in the Pro League!" The above agent had said. "This is the way they do it in America!"

Kaiser Ryo could not care less about what they did in America. He said as much. But the agent had done the seemingly impossible: bullied Ryo into doing something against his will.

Well, at least this would pay well. The payment for just this one ad would be close to 10 million yen. Not that he cared, of course.

"Okay, we're ready to do the first take!" said the person directing the commercial.

The cameras started rolling. Just seconds later, the director halted filming.

"Where is your emotion? You want people to BUY this product!" the director practically screamed.

Ryo replied, "First, I am Marafuji Ryo. I am not a particularly emotional person. Second, I don't care who buys this product. You do, not me. Third, why am I being made to wear a shirt that says, 'Flying Carrots' on it in English?"

The director was at a loss for words. Finally, he sputtered out, "But...it's a shirt with ENGLISH words on it! It doesn't matter what the words MEAN; it just matters that they're there!"

"Do you even SPEAK English?" Ryo inquired.

"Well, not really, but that's beside the point! We have a commercial to shoot! Look, if this is about money, I'll add another million yen onto the paycheck. Will you behave NOW?"

"This is not at all about money," Ryo stated coolly. "This is about me tolerating a person with an inferior intellect. If me doing the commercial will make it so I never have to see you again, that is fine."

The director looked like he was about to launch into the sky out of sheer rage. Ryo decided that maybe he shouldn't torment this person any farther. He didn't want to have a dead body on his hands!

The rest of the filming went relatively smoothly. Ryo even made a passing attempt at emotion! However, he vowed to never EVER use this particular brand of duel disk!

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A couple of weeks later, Ryo's agent called. He was so excited he could hardly talk!

"The people loved the commercial! The disks are selling like crazy! I'll sign you up for another filming session right away!"

"Thanks, but no thanks." answered Ryo. He hung up the phone amidst the protests of his agent.

A/N, I'm trying to make this consistent with how Japanese people would act. I do know for a fact that Japanese people are quite enamored with nonsensical English phrases. They put them just about everywhere!

More importantly, I hope Ryo is in-character!


	2. Chapter 2

1AN: I am being haunted by the MYSTERIOUS "1"! It always just appears right before the A/N, and I can't get rid of it no matter how hard I try! Just wanted to let you know that I'm not putting the "1" there on purpose!

P.S. I've been told that it is, in fact, okay to use the name "Kaiser Ryo". It even has that on the show. However, I'll try to limit my usage of it!

On with the fic!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did, I'd make sure that the dub didn't do such a crappy job all the time!

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Ryo was quite satisfied with how his day had gone. He had gotten just FOUR calls from his agent all day! That was nothing considering the agent normally called at least twenty times per day.

Also, it had been raining and windy out all day, so the paparazzi had stayed inside. Ryo, for one glorious day, had been able to purchase his newspapers in peace.

Finally, he had just won his third straight duel. He kept on getting endorsement deals for everything from instant rice to some kind of nauseatingly cute doll. Of course, he turned all of these down.

But today had been 100 percent endorsement-free.

Later, Ryo would scold himself for not realizing it was too good to last.

It was getting dark out when Ryo emerged from the movie theater. He had seen the latest American movie. It was a challenge he had made up for himself: try to understand the English without looking at the subtitles. He still missed some stuff, but he was getting better.

He had barely made it onto the sidewalk before he was accosted by a crowd of people. At first, Ryo wondered what they were all doing here. It was still nasty out. But then he realized that this particular breed of people were not much affected by any kind of storm. Yes, these were FANGIRLS!

"Look, here he is! Let's get his autograph!" The person who spoke seemed to be the leader of the fangirls. She had a voice that was high-pitched even by Japanese standards.

The rest of the girls immediately started finding things that could be autographed.

"Can you sign this paper?"

"Can you sign this doll?"

Ryo noted with some amusement that it was the same kind of nauseatingly cute doll whose makers had offered him a commercial opportunity.

"Can you sign my shirt?"

"Can you sign my shoes?"

"Can you sign my...?"

"All right, that is IT!" Ryo shouted when he saw exactly WHAT that last fangirl wanted him to sign. "I, Kaiser, do not DO autographs! Good night to all of you!"

Somehow, he found the strength to wade through the throng of squealing girls.

When Ryo got back to his apartment, he hung up his coat, ignored the approximately fifty messages on his answering machine, and immediately fell asleep on the couch.

The next morning, Ryo woke up to a beautiful day. It was the complete opposite of the day before.

When he got outside, he noticed that both the fangirls AND the paparazzi were swarming around the apartment building.

"I still want you to sign my shoes!" yelled a random voice in the crowd.

'This is going to be a LONG day' Ryo sighed to himself.

AN: No, I'm not going to say what that one fangirl wanted Ryo to sign. To tell you the truth, I really didn't decide myself! So I'll leave it up to each reader's imagination. If you want to think it was a pineapple the fangirl wanted him to sign, that's fine by me. If you wanted to think something...else, that's fine also!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: The next couple of chapters will be a mini-arc about Ryo being forced to go to America.for a magazine interview. I'm still sorting through all the ideas, but I have thought of some that I definitely want to put in. Oh yeah, I will try to keep this chapter void of excessive exclamation points. To get said exclamation points out of my system, I'll put them on the following line:

There! Now they won't get in the way of the story. And if erases them, they're invisible exclamation points, but they're still there!

Expect some bashing of American culture. Remember, Ryo, being Japanese, is bound to think our customs are odd.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh GX or any of the products/companies/people that may be mentioned in the next few chapters.

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Ryo could not believe his ears. He knew his agent was stupid, but this surpassed any previous stupidity.

His agent actually wanted him to fly to America and be interviewed for some magazine written for teenage girls! What is more, the agent had hinted that they would have a photo shoot. Ryo hated having his picture taken. Why smile when nothing was funny?

Unfortunately, Ryo had learned by now that his agent was so convincing, he would probably be able to do something like sell shonen manga to little old ladies if he tried enough. Next to that, convincing Ryo to go to America was nothing!

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Ryo had accomplished one major task: he had gotten on the airplane without getting any major injuries as a result of mobbing by fangirls. Now that the plane was nearly 10 kilometers above ground, Ryo finally felt safe. He took out an exceedingly boring magazine from his bag. He thought it might help him go to sleep.

He had barely gotten past the table of contents when he got an eerie feeling that he was being watched. Ryo tried to ignore this feeling, but soon he could swear that someone was breathing on him.

He looked up, only to see that every single female flight attendant was crowded around his seat.

"Um...can I touch your arm?" one of the women asked hesitatingly.

"NO!" Ryo shouted, causing the attendants to scatter in a record time.

After that incident, Ryo was awake all night, despite his first-class seat that reclined virtually all the way back.

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When the plane finally reached America, Ryo was in a bad mood. All he wanted to do was find a hotel so that he could get some sleep.

One good thing about America was that no-one even gave Ryo a second glance. In Japan, Ryo was among the tallest men his age. In America, he was average height at best. Ryo had heard that Americans were tall, but this was ridiculous! Oh well. If it made it so he wasn't singled out, he was fine with it.

After he got his luggage back, Ryo wandered around looking for something decent to eat. He discovered that this would be a losing battle. Even the stuff that looked good was much too big. He saw one pastry store carrying treats big enough to feed his whole family. Even then, there would probably be leftovers!

He finally settled on a fish sandwich, meticulously picking the breading off the fish part. This earned him many curious looks from passersby. Ryo wanted to say, "How can you even taste the fish with this stuff on it?" but decided to keep quiet. The American staring was getting on Ryo's nerves, so he left the airport as soon as possible.He flagged down a taxi, and told the driver to take him to his hotel.

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In the next part, Ryo will be made to participate in activities that we Americans think of as "fun". Ryo will just think of them as "stupid"!


	4. Chapter 4

There isn't really anything to say, so I'll just get on with the fic!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or the Los Angeles Lakers.

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Ryo thought he should have known taking a nap was a bad idea. When he woke up, his cell phone and pager were both crammed with messages. Most of them were suggestions as to what Ryo could do before the interview the next day. Of course, he couldn't follow all of the suggestions, and most of them involved adult stuff, of which Ryo had no interest in participating.

Finally, he decided to go see a basketball game. He had heard that the sport was popular in America. In Japan, the popular foreign sports were baseball and golf. Duel Academia had had a basketball court, but no one really used it.

Ryo tried to convince himself that, even if watching basketball wasn't fun, at least it was part of the American culture his agents wanted him to absorb.

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Ryo decided that he actually liked the buses in America. Sure, they were messy, but it was far less crowded than the transport systems in Japan. There wasn't a prodding-stick in sight in this bus! (Japanese subways are SO crowded, workers have to use special poles to cram all the people in the cars.)

He had to wait in line a long time to purchase his tickets, but he didn't mind. What Ryo didn't understand was why everyone else was cutting in line. Hadn't their parents taught them any respect?

Once Ryo was inside the building, he groaned internally as he saw his agent standing there, waiting for him. He knew the agent would want him to try all that supersized, artificial American food they were selling at the many concession stands.

Ryo was sure glad that he had packed his antacids!

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After buying virtually half the food in the whole building, Ryo and his agent found their seats. Ryo immediately felt the culture shock. At least his agent would know the answers to his many questions.

"Why does that scoreboard have pictures on it like a TV?"

"It's to keep the audience occupied."

"Why can't they do something else?"

"The players are still doing warmups. They need something to look at before the game."

"Why don't they just start the game?"

"So more tickets are sold, of course!"

This made no sense to Ryo, so he remained quiet for a long time.

Then the introductions of the starting lineup started.

"Why are there those fireworks and lights? This is getting ridiculous! I have much better things to do!"

"No, this is fun! Quiet, they're introducing the star player!"

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Ryo could not believe how these American players had no sense of dignity! First of all, they kept passing the ball to this one guy. Every time this one guy made a basket, everybody cheered. Ryo was appalled. In Japan, teamwork was stressed over everything else. Individual people learned how to work together to create a harmonious team. And basketball was a team sport, was it not? And...darn it, they were passing the ball to that guy again! Ryo was sure that was why the home team was down by ten at halftime.

And when someone on the team (namely, that one guy) scored a basket, he showed a callous disregard for what was surely expensive equipment. More than once, Ryo had to restrain himself from saying , "Hey! Stop doing that! You'll break that backboard!" But that just wouldn't have been polite.

What was worse, the other team was doing that act of vandalism which his agent called a "dunk" as well!

But the worst part of all was during the timeouts. Ryo had seen cheerleading, and he had seen skimpy outfits, but neither to this extreme. If the cheerleaders would have been closer to his seat, Ryo would have given them his jacket, because no one could possibly be warm with that much skin showing! Plus, the stunts the cheerleaders performed looked extremely painful.

And the music during the timeouts was horrible. They just kept playing the same music over the intercom.

By the end of the game, Ryo had finally become desensitized to most of these things. But one question still nagged at him. It was this : If they were called the Lakers, THEN WHY ON EARTH WERE THEY WEARING YELLOW? The agent didn't know the answer to that question.

As they left the building, the agent said, "Well, didn't you think that was interesting?"

Ryo thought for a while before replying, "Certainly. Just DON'T DO IT EVER AGAIN!"

The agent knew Ryo well enough to tell that this was the time he should run for his life.

When Ryo got back to the hotel, he took his antacids and steeled himself for the interview that would be taking place the following morning.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I found something that may be an error. The NBA season lasts from late October to June. However, Ryo is in the Pro League during the fall. I did think of one explanation, though-it could have been really early in the NBA season; possibly even an exhibition game. I just wanted to clarify that. It probably doesn't matter to you, but I worried about it as soon as I realized the inconsistency.

There is a possiblity of OOCness in the beginning of the chapter, but it should be gone when Ryo goes for the interview.

Just for better understanding, I'm going to use a technique that I once saw in a novel about Chinese immigrants for this chapter. When people are speaking in Japanese, it will be typed in regular text. English dialogue will be in italics _like this._

Heads-up: I probably won't update this (or any of my stories) next week. I have a term paper to finish.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Were you expecting that I would?

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Ryo did not sleep well. Of course, jet lag was a major problem. But he had just managed to drift off to sleep when his cell phone rang.

If Ryo had the resources, he would definitely have dropped that phone into a molten pit of lava. However, this hotel lacked lava of any kind, so Ryo had no choice but to answer the call.

Ryo turned the phone on and mumbled something that vaguely resembled a greeting.

His eardrums were instantly assaulted by the shrillest, loudest noise known to man. Ryo was familiar with this noise, and he did not want to hear it at 5 AM. In fact, he did not want to hear it anytime, unless he was in a good mood.

When Ryo finally got adjusted to the noise, he said, "Can't you find someone else to annoy, Sho? It's FIVE IN THE MORNING!"

There was a moment of silence, then that annoying voice continued. "Huh? Oh yeah, the time difference! It's nine PM here! So what's it like in America? Is it really cool? You're lucky. I always wanted to go to America!"

Ryo couldn't help but smile. He replied, "Sorry to disappoint you, but America is horrible."

"Awww..."

"You better save your money for something worthwhile. Speaking of which, have you been practicing your dueling techniques?"

"Yes."

"And learning from your mistakes?"

"Yes."

"Good. I really can't talk anymore, so goodbye for now."

"Nii-san?"

"WHAT?"

"Can you speak in English for me?"

"Uh...sure. How about: "_My little brother sounds like a girl_."

"Wow, cool! I wish I could know what that meant! Well, 'Bye."

As soon as Sho hang up, Ryo started cracking up. He knew that what he did was mean, but the situation was just begging for it. He did know that he would be in big trouble if his mom found out.

No matter how hard Ryo tried, he couldn't get to sleep after that. He finally got out of bed at seven. The interview would start at nine.

There were no tea bags in the lobby, so Ryo had to settle for that infamous American drink, coffee. He decided it was disgusting. He also wondered why there was no rice among the breakfast foods. How dumb could these Americans possibly get?

The bus ride over to the magazine studio was uneventful. Ryo had taken his English textbook with hin so he could fit in some final "cramming". He hoped that he didn't make any really dumb mistakes.

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The agent was waiting at the bus stop. It was like last night's events had never even happened. Beside him was a woman Ryo had never seen before. The agent explained that she was an interpreter for "just in case".

They did not have to wait long for the interviewer. According to the receptionist, Ryo would be the cover story, so there was no way that the interviewer would be late.

When Ryo saw the interviewer, he was taken aback. It was a woman, and she was as far from the traditional Japanese woman as one could get. Ryo was no chauvinist, but he had been raised to expect a fairly large degree of submissiveness from women. This woman wore lots of makeup, had on brightly colored clothes, and had an unfortunate habit of leaning towards people when she was talking to them.

Ryo hadn't been exactly sure what the questions would be like. He had assumed that there would be some rather personal questions. What he hadn't guessed was that the whole interview would be personal questions!

In fact, the first question was, "_Do you have a girlfriend?_"

Ryo answered immediately with a firm "_No."_

"_Are you sure?"_

_"Yes."_

_"At the Pro League Draft, you were spotted sitting next to an unknown girl. There is some speculation that she is your girlfriend. What do you have to say about that?"_

The large number of words in that sentence made Ryo pause for a few minutes while he comprehended the words, formed an answer, and translated that answer into English. Finally, he said, "_We are friends. That is all. I have no more comment. Comments. Whatever it is."_

The interviewer looked more than slightly disappointed, but went on to the next question. Thankfully, this one simply asked for an explanation of Duel Monsters. Ryo was more than happy to oblige.

30 minutes later...

"_And those are basic rules. Do you want me to talk about the advanced things?"_

The interviewer looked for all the world like she had fallen asleep. "_Huh? Oh no, the stuff you talked about is enough. Now, next question: What is a hidden talent of yours?"_

"_I can bend my thumb back to my wrist",_ said Ryo, and demonstrated. He hadn't done that since he was eleven, when his mother had caught him in the act and grounded him. Then Ryo realized that the interviewer would probably want to hear that last part, so he told her. She did seem happy to get some additional information.

The next several questions were rather harmless. It asked what were his favorite books, favorite movies, etc. Then there were some questions about the differences between Japanese and American culture. Ryo was more than happy to answer these!

_"Okay, just two more questions, then we'll move on to the photo shoot! First question: what was the most embarrassing thing you ever did?"_

For a short time, Ryo forgot what "_embarrassing" _meant. Then he remembered. He really wanted to say that it was this interview, but he didn't think that would be acceptable. So he just provided some incident from his childhood that his mom had talked about, but he himself didn't really remember.

_"Okay, last question! Boxers or briefs?"_

_"Um...what does that mean?"_

The interpreter whispered in Ryo's ear. Ryo started laughing out of sheer disbelief. He would have never imagined a question THAT bold. Finally, he managed to gasp out, "_I'll have to pass on that question."_

Once again, the interviewer looked disappointed. But Ryo didn't care. The interview was over! He would just have to survive the photo shoot, then he could finally go home.

This chapter is pretty long, so the photo shoot will be next chapter. Hmm...I wonder how Ryo will be tortured then? You'll just have to wait and see!

(Checks word count) 1200 words? That's the longest chapter I've written for ANY of my fanfictions EVER!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I can finally post this chapter! I wrote it on Friday, but of course couldn't log in!

It has come to my attention that I missed a golden opportunity for humor last chapter. I agree that it would have been a great joke, but we all make mistakes, right? In pretty much every movie review, the reviewer says, "It would have been so much better/funnier/realistic if so-and-so had happened!" So I'm not the only one to do such a thing.

Rest assured, Ryo still thinks the interviewer is stupid.

The Japanese-English letter styles are the same and will be throughout this story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Sorry, no jokes this time!

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It was a time of mortal peril for Ryo. All of his capabilities would be put to the test. He would be lucky to escape with his life.

Ryo realized he was thinking out loud when his agent said, "It's just a photo shoot! No need to be melodramatic."

Ryo started to respond, but cut himself off as they reached the room where he would be prepared for the pictures.

The first person he saw was a woman who was thankfully dressed more tastefully than the interviewer. She said, _"Hi, you must be the cover guy they told me about. I'm Lynette, and I'll be your wardrobe person. There will be other people doing your hair and makeup."_

Ryo cursed this woman's parents for giving her a name that was impossible for him to pronounce without seriously warping the first syllable.

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Despite that horrid name, Rina..Lina...Rinette...whatever it was... turned out to be a nice person. She actually gave Ryo privacy when he was changing into his new set of clothes.

Just then, Ryo realized there was something seriously wrong with these clothes. He decided to immediately bring this to the attention of Lena...Ranette...DARN IT, STUPID NAME!

He walked out from the little curtained changing area and said, "_Excuse me, but I think these_ _pants are too big."_

Ren...forget it, he'd just call her "the woman"...said, _"Huh? No they aren't."_

"_But I can see the waistband of my underwear!_" protested Ryo

_"That's the point."_

_"How is indecency a point?"_

_"It's the style here. Plus, the magazines will sell better if you show a bit of skin."_

Ryo firmly decided that Americans were disgusting. The only good part about this outfit was that this shirt did not have anything at all to do with flying carrots.

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After that incident, it was time for the styling. Much to Ryo's dismay, the hair and makeup people were just like the interviewer. It made him miss the wardrobe person a lot.

"_Ooh, you have such nice hair!_" gushed one of the women while running her fingers through it.

Ryo backed away quickly, but that just made the woman laugh.

And she didn't stop there. The whole time she was fixing his hair, she kept making those ridiculous comments about how NICE and PERFECT Ryo's hair was. At the same time, she was mercilessly yanking all the tangles out with an intimidating comb. And Ryo had thought his mom had been the champion tangle-yanker.

Ryo thought vaguely that maybe it was time for a haircut, but knew he would never get to it. That is, unless his mom had anything to say about it.

After that mini-torture session, it was time for makeup. Fortunately, this person did not say anything about his hair. Unfortunately, she had a comment for just about everything else.

_"Your eyes are so big! I've never seen anything quite like them. And I've never worked with such good skin before. Most models we get here need concealer like you wouldn't believe!"_

Ryo got the strong impression that this woman would end up asking for him to marry her if he didn't put a stop to her chatter. He was almost right.

_"You know, my schedule is clear this afternoon, and that new comedy movie got good reviews. Would you want to...?"_

Ryo abruptly whirled around in his seat and said as calmly as he could, "_You do realize that you're almost old enough to be my mother, right?"_

The woman started and said sadly, "_Oh, I...didn't think of that. I guess you're right..."_

There was then an awkward silence that lasted until the woman was finished with the makeup.

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The pictures were to be taken in a large, white room. There were several props and pieces of furniture in this room.

To his great relief, Ryo noticed that the photographer was a man.

The first pictures weren't so bad. Ryo didn't even have to smile. The photographer explained that the readers of the magazine would think of the picture as being more attractive if he didn't smile. Or something like that.

Ryo then realized that he had never gotten another pair of pants. He pulled the pants up as much as he could and wished he had a belt.

There were pictures taken from all different angles. Full-on, profile, even some from behind. Ryo started thinking that maybe, just maybe, he could get through this without embarrassment.

These hopes were dashed when the photographer abruptly said, "_Okay, take your shirt off. The magazine specifically requested some shirtless pictures."_

Oh joy. Now there wouldn't be any shirt to cover those ridiculously baggy pants!

Just then, Ryo heard a crash from outside the room. Apparently, the makeup person had been spying through the window and had just fainted. The photographer said, "_Don't mind her. She's a bit...unusual."_

After Ryo posed in several ways he was sure would look absolutely ridiculous, the photographer was finally done. With a sense of relief, Ryo went to put on his own CORRECTLY FITTING clothes. The makeup person had thankfully been moved by the time he stepped out of the room.

When Ryo got back to the hotel, his agent, who had followed him, said, "Okay, what should we do now? There's fancy restaurants everywhere, there's dance clubs and sightseeing, there's..."

Ryo interrupted with, "I have a great idea. Let's play a game. It's called see-how-quickly-we-can-be-on-the-flight-back-to-Tokyo. I think we should aim for three hours."

The agent knew there was no arguing with Ryo when he was in this mood. In fact, they were on the plane in two hours!


	7. Chapter 7

1A/N: Stupid "1"!

Anyways, I think you all know what happened since I last updated this. Therefore, I will say no more about it, except for one thing. I posted a retaliation drabble on LJ, and I can send it to anyone who's interested.

If anyone wants to write anything based on my fanfics, the rules are in my profile.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Gi Oh, but I DO OWN THIS STORY the last time I checked.

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For a while, not much happened. Ryo won a couple more duels, avoided fangirls, and laughed at all the absurd tabloid articles that involved him in some way.

He hadn't even realized he'd won his fifth straight duel until said tabloids made a big deal about it. According to the tabloids, Ryo had celebrated this victory by getting drunk and dancing on top of a table.

Actually, he had done something a bit more mundane: gone to his apartment, worked on an English crossword puzzle book he'd bought in America, and fallen asleep on the couch without changing into his pajamas. But he knew the tabloids would want to make up something more interesting.

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When Ryo won his sixth duel, he decided to do something even MORE exciting-channel surf on his TV until he found some random game show. The game show was so pointless, Ryo had almost fallen asleep in his chair when his phone rang.

Why was it that his phone rang every time he was trying to get some sleep?

The person calling was Ryo's mom. For approximately ten minutes, Ryo had to listen to his mom's monologue about how proud she was of him. Somehow, that turned into a rant about how he had to take better care of himself. That in turn turned into a request that Ryo visit his family for a couple of days. Ryo accepted just so he could hang up the darned phone already.

The next day, he regretted doing this. Sure, he loved his family and all, but they could be a bit eccentric. Okay, very eccentric!

The Marafuji residence was located on the very edge of the general Tokyo area. Ryo had to admit, it was nice to be able to ride his bike without being reduced to swearing at maniac drivers all the time.

When he reached the house, he noticed with some relief that his mother had taken down the ugly lawn gnome which had been messing up the front yard for about five years.

As soon as Ryo knocked on the door, he heard the familiar loud barking. It could only be one thing-their pet dog, Tetsusaiga.

Ryo thought that was a stupid name for a dog. Sho had insisted on that name when they'd adopted the dog several years ago.

But Ryo had no more time to ponder the name, because Tetsusaiga was currently running out the door and trying to lick Ryo's face. Since Tetsusaiga was a big shaggy dog who weighed approximately forty kilograms, Ryo had no choice but to submit to the slobber.

Finally, Sho managed to grab Tetsusaiga by the collar and force him back in the house. No matter how annoying Sho could get, Ryo had to admit that he'd missed him. After all, they hadn't seen each other since the Pro League draft.

Just then, Ryo's mom walked out. This got Tetsusaiga so excited that he started chasing his tail enthusiastically.

As Ryo expected, his mom immediately started in on another rant.

"You are getting too thin, young man! Have you been eating properly? I bet you've been just eating ramen. Am I right? Yep, I thought so. Fortunately, I'm cooking up a nice, healthy meal tonight. I expect you to eat it all and have seconds. Yes, you too, Sho. By the way, you both need haircuts! We'll do that after dinner, okay? Hey wait a minute, where did they go?"

The two boys had fled into the house as soon as they heard the word "haircut"!

Ryo and Sho decided to stay in Ryo's old room to avoid the haircuts of doom. Thankfully, it looked just as Ryo had left it during the last vacation from school. Specifically, so clean that Sho often complained that the completely bare white carpet blinded him.

They worked on their decks until Tetsusaiga somehow managed to push the closed door ajar. For just a few seconds, he stood in the doorway, panting heavily. Slobber dripped off his chin and mingled with his black fur. But this was no time to be mentally writing descriptive essays, which was soon proven as the dog bounded into the room and somehow managed to pin both boys down at once. There was no stopping that dog when his mission was to lick someone's face!

At least he didn't drool on any important cards. The ones he did mess up could easily be purchased for a couple hundred yen at any shop.

The torment only ended when it was time for Tetsusaiga's supper. Shortly thereafter, it was time for the humans to eat as well.

Mrs. Marafuji was as good as her word. She had cooked up an American-like quantity of food. Okay, maybe not QUITE that much.

At least it was real food, and not American QUALITY as well as quantity.

Many topics were discussed during dinner.The main ones were the latest letter from the boys' dad (who was always on business trips), discussions about America, and a rather amusing story about Tetsusaiga's escapades at the veterinarian's office the week before.

It was good while it lasted, but Mrs. Marafuji soon made it clear that she had not forgotten about the haircuts. Fortunately, she agreed to just doing a trim. It was still complete and utter torture for both boys.

After that, Ryo and Sho stayed up as late as they could. Finally, Mrs. Marafuji had to walk into the room and drag Sho into his own room.

As Ryo fell asleep, he thought, 'one day down, one day and one night to go!'

A/N: For those who are interested, Tetsusaiga the dog is based off my neighbors' dog, Lucas. Lucas is a very big and slobbery black lab.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Now that that stupid AP test is over with, and since I got home from school early, I'm going to try to update as many stories as I can!

By the way, I am American, but I use the metric system in my fics. I want them to be authentic, since most of said fics take place in Japan. So...Tetsusaiga weighs forty kilograms, which is roughly equal to ninety pounds. In other words, pretty darned big dog!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Gi Oh or Inuyasha.

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When Ryo woke up the next morning, he felt something lying on the blanket. Curious, he looked at this object, only to find himself staring into the face of a very slobber-encrusted plastic lawn gnome.

So THAT was where it went! Ryo thought that he should have known that his mother would never get rid of it voluntarily.

Wait a minute. How exactly did that lawn gnome get on his bed? Maybe it had something to do with the suspiciously dog-like panting sound coming from beside his bed...

Ryo looked down, an action he would soon regret. For Tetsusaiga was right beside his bed, and had been waiting for a golden opportunity to lick someone's face!

After being thoroughly slobbered on, Ryo forced himself to get up. Before he left his room, he hid the lawn gnome in the closet. The coat of slobber had done nothing to improve its appearance.

The door to the kitchen was blocked by Sho. Sho was wearing a red bathrobe and was holding a toy sword. Ryo sighed. This could only mean one thing...

"Halt!" Sho said abruptly. "So, you thought you could sneak by me, eh?"

Ryo rolled his eyes. Wasn't Sho getting just a bit too old for this game? They played it when they were like ten!

"Sho, the only thing I think is that you're delaying my breakfast!"

"Who is this Sho you speak of? I have never heard of this Sho. I am the mighty Inuyasha...hey!"

The mighty Inuyasha let out an indignant squawk as Ryo lifted him up by the waist and easily moved him aside.

Ryo ate his breakfast with some difficulty. On one side of his chair, Tetsusaiga sat, eagerly awaiting any food that might be dropped on the floor. On the other side stood Inuya...er..Sho, staring at the cereal box with what Ryo assumed was supposed to be an intimidating glare.

Evidently, the evil cereal box lost the battle, because Sho soon hopped in his own chair and poured a bowl of it.

Ryo could not understand how anyone could like that cereal! It was an American brand that was probably 99.999999 percent sugar. Yet, Sho insisted on having it in the house at all times.

After they were both done eating, Ryo headed towards the door, only to be stopped by Sho abruptly blocking the door's entrance. Ryo couldn't help laughing. Sho had looked JUST LIKE a guy he'd seen on a funny TV show in America! The show had been called, "The Continent" or something like that. He hadn't been really paying attention at the time. But he did remember that guy-running-to-the-door part!

Ryo suddenly remembered that it may be polite to actually listen to what Sho was saying.

"...And no one can defeat me! I will find all the shards and no one can stop me. Not even you, Sesshomaru!"

Ryo suddenly remembered exactly why they had stopped playing this game before. He had gotten tired of always having to play the part of Sesshomaru!

He knew he would have to distract Sho soon, or else he would be involved in a two-hour-long pretend swordfight.

Ryo suggested that they go look for some cards.

"Tell you what, Sho, I'll even pay for yours. I can afford it. I do make almost 200 million yen a year, after all."

This was enough to make "Inuyasha" finally disappear.

Ten minutes later, Sho was ready to leave. And he had finally taken off that red bathrobe. The two boys were just stepping out the door when:

"Ryo, why is my favorite lawn gnome in your closet?"

Ryo hurried out the door before he had to offer up an Explanation of Doom.

A/N:Well, this is an interesting plot twist! What adventures await our heroes in town? Will Mrs. Marafuji ever get an explanation about the lawn gnome? And why am I suddenly sounding like the narrator from Pokemon? The answers to all these questions will be available soon. Okay, maybe not the last question!

For those of you who are interested, the TV show Ryo was referring to is called "The Continental". If Ryo had been PAYING ATTENTION, he wou;ld have realized that it wasn't a TV show at all. Rather, it's a skit on Saturday Night Live.

So what's "The Continental" about? Basically, it's about a perverted French guy and his attempts to woo a pretty lady. The guy keeps rushing to the door in an attempt to keep the lady from leaving his house in disgust.

200 million yen is about two million dollars. British readers will have to make their own conversions!


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I do not have a troll account. I will never have a troll account. So, if you see a trollfic, it's not mine. Even if the troll is for some reason impersonating me. If I want to write parodies, I will use my own account, thank you very much.

Not that anyone's accused me of having a troll account, but it seems like everyone else does. SO I just wanted to clear that up.

AHEM...okay, random rant over! Time to get on with the story!

One last thing: I often post chapters, then notice little typos in the chapter. I start worrying that everyone is noticing the typo and can't focus on the story. Is that ever true?

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Gi Oh, but I think I do own the phrase "Flying Carrots". Yep, it's making a comeback in this chapter!

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Ryo was halfway on his bicycle when he realized something. Although he was in good enough shape to ride the several kilometers into Tokyo, Sho most likely wasn't. Therefore, they would have to take the subway. Since Ryo was bound to be noticed in such a crowded place, he decided that they would have to take a little detour before going into town.

Ryo informed Sho of the change of plans, and they went to a local clothing shop. Thankfully, there were no fangirls in this shop. This was a rather rural area of Japan, so the citizens were not as likely to be in tune with the latest trends.

It didn't take long to find the necessary materials. In fifteen minutes, the brothers had set off for the nearest subway stop.

It was a rather long walk, because there were very few subway stops in their area. But they did eventually find one.

Ryo beckoned for Sho to stop at the top of the escalator.

"You know what we have to do," he said.

"But nii-san, I'll look stupid!"

"Get used to it. I have to do this just about every day when I want to go anywhere in the city."

And with that, they both put on a baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses.

"Ryo, these sunglasses are too big! They look like bug eyes!"

"Exactly. The point is to hide as much of your face as possible."

While having this conversation, they had reached the bottom of the escalator. Not too many people in this place had business in Tokyo, so the ticket line was relatively short and the subway cars were only half-full.

However, the subway filled up more and more as the stops got closer to the city. By the time the ride was almost at an end, the subway attendants had broken out the prodding sticks.

Finally, however, the subway reached Sho and Ryo's stop. They were now in the heart of the busiest part of Tokyo.

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Ryo knew that Sho had never been in such a bustling place before, so he reminded Sho to stay close to him and to not go running off.

Ryo then decided it might be a good idea to buy Sho a map, just in case they did get separated. The maps were sold at the information desk.

The desk was surrounded by people. These people were mostly those middle-aged workers who wanted to work on weekends, but some were decidedly younger. Ryo was not aware of this fact until it was too late.

While checking out the different map books, Ryo had to remove his baseball cap. It was making it hard for him to see.

The crowd of people obscured him while he was buying the map, but as soon as he walked a short distance away:

"See? I told you I saw him. There he is, by the information desk!"

CRAP.

Before Ryo could do or say anything, he and Sho were surrounded by approximately ten teenage girls. It was the weekend, so the girls were not bound by the dress codes of the super-strict Japanese schools. They were all wearing heavy makeup and outrageous jewelry. And as for clothing...

Ryo's heart sank. Every single one of the girls was wearing a "Flying Carrots" shirt.

That was not the kind of phrase that Ryo wanted to be associated with himself.

Ryo had to think up something quick. Finally, he said, "Well, I would love to stay and chat, but my brother here is allergic to your perfume. In fact, I think he's having an asthma attack. So I have to leave. No, I can't sign that paper. No, not that purse either."

Fortuantely, that made the fangirls scatter. But not before he heard one of them say, "He said he'd LOVE to be with us!" and faint.

Apparently, sarcasm was wasted on fangirls.

Sho looked up at Ryo.

"Nii-san, I wasn't allergic to anything!"

"Quiet. They might hear you."

And so they rode the escalator up into the clouds of pollution and crowded streets that comprised Tokyo.

Ryo hurriedly put his baseball cap back on.

They decided to make the nearest card shop their first destination. They found one and walked in, only to see...

Yay! Cliffhanger! I am not actually sure who they'll see, but I have it narrowed down to two or three people. I'll decide in time for the next chapter, though. I apologize in advance if I disappoint anyone with the choice I'll end up making.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Well, I'm working on this when I really should be studying for my AP Psychology test. But I think I know enough material to pass the test, and I came up with a lot of good ideas for this chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Gi Oh. This is getting so boring...maybe I should stop putting them in for a few chapters.

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...Only to see a person behind the checkout counter who was the LAST person Ryo expected to be working behind a counter.

"MANJOUME?" Sho abruptly blurted out.

Manjoume muttered a string of words, the only audible word being "san". They could pretty much figure out what he meant.

Now Ryo was getting curious.

"Since when does the great Manjoume work at a checkout counter?" He said in an amused tone. Well, as amused as his tone could get.

Manjoume glanced around to make sure no one was listening, then said, "You think I had a choice? You know my brothers don't want to see my face ever again. It was this or begging on the streets!"

Sho choked back what sounded suspiciously like a laugh. Ryo couldn't blame him. The image of Manjoume begging was hysterical!

For a minute, Manjoume looked like he wanted to leap over the counter and strangle Sho. But then the manager of the store looked over their way.

Manjoume said in a loud voice, "Thank you for shopping at our store. Come back soon!"

Ryo and Sho had no choice but to find another card store.

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It took three other card stores before Ryo and Sho were tired of augmenting their decks. Although Ryo didn't admit it, he had found some cards that would be useful.

They were about to stop for lunch when Sho spotted a store that exclusively sold American products. Of course, Sho had to visit this place.

The first thing he did was put four boxes of his favorite sugar...er, cereal, into the shopping cart. It was only after much arguing that Sho sadly put two of the boxes back.

After that, Sho went to look at magazines while Ryo looked for another English crossword puzzle book. His old one was almost used up, and this would be the last opportunity in a long time to get a new one.

There was no pure crossword puzzle book, but there was a book that had a variety of puzzles, including some crossword puzzles. Ryo was picking that one up when he heard an excited cry from Sho.

"Nii-san! Come look! They have your magazine!"

It was times like these when Ryo wished he had a flamethrower and a portable fireplace. Sho was still babbling excitedly, so Ryo had to walk over and look.

Thankfully, the picture on the cover was one where he had his shirt on. Sho wanted to know what the English text next to the picture said.

Ryo studied the words before saying, "I think it says something like, 'meet the most popular guy in Japan'. Well, I don't see how that's a good thing, but Americans are weird that way."

"I'm going to buy this and show Mom!" Sho said enthusiastically.

"Sho?"

"Yes?"

"You do that and I will hold you down while Tetsusaiga licks your face."

Apparently, that was a good enough threat, because Sho put the magazine back. He chose some comic books instead.

After a short stop at the candy counter, they bought their stuff and left.

When they walked out, Ryo thought at first that the sun was in his eyes.

Then he realized something. The sun was not prone to making clicking noises.

"Are those...cameras?" Sho asked, stating what was now obvious.

"They are. They won't leave us alone until we acknowledge their presence, so pose a bit while backing away slowly. There's a place where we can go that's made just for occasions like this."

"But we're wearing those disguises! You said it was so people wouldn't notice us."

"Actually, Sho, that only works for regular people. The paparazzi can see through any disguise. Remember that. Okay, now let's run."

And so they did.

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They finally stopped in front of a small restaurant. It was a completely unremarkable-looking building. The only unique thing about it was a large poster of a smiling cartoon bowl of noodles that hung from the wall.

Sho looked confused. "Why are we stopping here? It's just a cheap noodle bar."

Ryo replied, "Looks can be deceiving. I'll explain when we get inside."

The inside looked just as dull as the outside at first, but then a guard walked up to them and bowed.

"May I please see your card?" he asked. Ryo produced something that looked a lot like a credit card.

The guard checked this card with a handheld scanner, then gestured for Ryo and Sho to find a table.

"So nii-san, what is this place?" Sho asked when they sat down.

"Well Sho, it was built just for famous people who want to escape all the press for a while. No media people are allowed within several meters of this place. And like you saw, ID is required to get in. The workers here are sworn to confidentiality, so we can talk about anything and not get in the tabloids."

"Ah", said Sho. Really, there was nothing more to be said.

"What is more", Ryo went on, "They make excellent soba noodles here. That's a nice bonus."

The rest of the meal was uneventful, except for Sho's constant pointing out of A-list celebrities. And not all of them were Japanese.

"Ryo, look! In the corner! It's..."

"Yes, I see him. He's been here before. He must be in Japan to promote his latest movie."

Sho started to walked over and ask for an autograph, but hurried back when Ryo glared at him.

Their food came right then, so they didn't talk for a long time.

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A/N: There! I finally used the idea that someone on the Janime forums suggested!


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Well, I don't really feel inspired, but I feel like I have to wrap up this arc soon. I had a really funny idea, but it won't fit until the next chapter.

Disclaimer: No change in my not-owning status.

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After lunch, Ryo just wanted to go home. He could see a line of photographers standing as close as they legally could to the restaurant.

Sho, on the other hand, had apparently ordered the most caffeinated type of tea in the restaurant, because he couldn't wait to visit every shop in Tokyo! He didn't really listen when Ryo told him that there were probably thousands of shops in Tokyo, and that it would take days to see them all.

Finally, they reached a compromise. They would leave if Ryo promised to take Sho out again the next time he visited.

It just figured that they would be as far away as possible from a subway station when they wanted to go home. Ryo actually began to wonder if there was a subway god that he had forgotten to acknowledge the last time he went to a shrine.

They had to walk in circles for eight kilometers before they finally found a station. Sho was so exhausted from this exercise that he fell asleep on the subway. Therefore, Ryo had to hold all the shopping bags in one hand, and constantly poke Sho awake with the other hand. It was tiring, to say the least.

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Mrs. Marafuji was waitng at the front door when they got home. She was holding the lawn gnome.

"You still haven't explained why this ended up in your closet! Yes, I can tell Tetsusaiga took it from the yard. However, you were wrong in not handing it over to me immediately when you found it. Therefore, I have devised a punishment. You must clean Sho's room. And I mean thoroughly. You have to vacuum and make the bed, too!"

Mrs. Marafuji knew what she was talking about. Normally, Sho's room looked like a junkyard that had been hit by a tsunami. It would take, oh, maybe three hours to finish cleaning it.

The worst part wasn't cleaning the room. The worst part wasn't even having Tetsusaiga tracking Ryo's every move. No, the worst part was the fact that Sho just sat on the bed and watched Ryo work. He wasn't gloating or anything. He was too shy to do that. But the fact that he was just sitting there and WATCHING grated on Ryo's last nerves.

The torture finally ended when it was dinnertime. Ryo shoved some action figures in the closet, made Sho promise not to tell, and went down to dinner.

Ryo went to bed early. He was too tired even to kick Tetsusaiga off his bed, where the dog was lying on all the blankets.

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The next morning, Ryo was preparing to leave. He should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

He had one foot out the front door when his mom ran up to him. She was obviously in rant mode.

"Just wait a minute, young man! You are not leaving until you have some decent food to take with you! I will give you some groceries to start off with, but after they're gone you must buy new ones. And buy decent stuff. I will know if you just buy ramen and crackers!"

She was ready to say a lot more, but Ryo left before she could. He noted that the gnome had been emphatically replaced on its usual spot on the lawn.

When Ryo got home, he saw that his phone had almost a hundred messages on it. The first one to pop up when he pressed the message playing button was from his agent.

"Hello, Ryo-sama. I have a concern to share with you. I am afraid that your fans may becoming disillusioned by the fact that you avoid them so much. They have no news about you! Therefore, I have devised a plan to get some more press. It's easy, it'll attract media, and the female fans will love it! Call me back as soon as it's convenient, and we will arrange a time."

Ryo was haunted by the second-to-last statement. That is, the one about the female fans loving whatever this publicity stunt was.

He made a note to buy lots of headache medicine, then dialed his agent's number.

A/N: Yeah, I know this is boring. But it does set up for the next idea!


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Well, I decided to do a double update so that one reviewer wouldn't die:P But I may not update again for a while. High school graduation is in two weeks, and I have many final projects and exams breathing down my neck! But at least I get Memorial Day off.

And yes, Aoyama is an actual place in Tokyo. Thank you, Wikipedia!

Based on flashbacks from Episode 83, I am going to go with a spacing of ten years between Yu Gi Oh and GX. Remember this.

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The agent answered on the first ring. What had he been doing, just sitting by the phone all day? Ryo decided he didn't want to know the answer to that question.

Before the agent could say anything, Ryo said, "If this involves me removing any articles of clothing except shoes, I'm not doing it."

The agent hesitated, then said, "No, no, nothing like that! What gave you the impression that I'd do that?"

Ryo said nothing.

The agent continued, "Anyway, the event is actually rather simple. You are going to lecture at an elementary school in Aoyama for one class period. Then you may have to give some interviews, then it will be done. Like I said, the fans will love it! It will help boost your clean-cut image."

Ryo calmly said, "You know that I wouldn't care if I had the image of a pickle. But I will do this. However, if you ever arrange something like this without my permission again, I WILL fire you!"

The agent apparently had no more to say, because he hung up.

Ryo considered what the agent had said. He had mentioned the Aoyama district, which was known for being an upper-crust area of Tokyo. That indicated that the school was probably some expensive private school.

This made no sense. Celebrities wanted to identify with the common people, right? It would make a lot more sense just to visit a public school.

There had to be some hidden reason for this. But what could it be?

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They just HAD to take the limo. Ryo hated the limo. It practically screamed, "Hey, there's a celebrity in here! Take as many pictures as you want!" He was much more comfortable on his bike. Even the subway and bus were better than this.

The agent spent the whole ride talking on his cell phone, so at least Ryo wasn't bothered by his pathetic attempts at small talk.

It was only when they arrived at the school did Ryo notice that there had been a second limousine right behind him.

The agent saw him looking at it and simply said, "Bodyguards."

Ryo started to make some remark about what he really wanted was bodyguards that would shield him from the agent, but changed his mind.

The school was every bit as fancy as Ryo had imagined. It wasn't quite at the level of the Obelisk Blue dorm, since this was just an elementary school. But it was quite expensive for a group of children.

Ryo thought he may have to give these new bodyguards a pay raise. They were well into the school, and there wasn't a reporter or camera in sight.

They soon reached the first-grade classroom. A female teacher who looked pleasant enough ushered Ryo and one of the bodyguards in. The second one would keep watch right outside the door.

As soon as they walked in, the students stood up as one and gave respectful bows. Ryo thought that maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

The teacher said, "All right class, pay attention to our special guest! And anyone who is rude will have to clean the halls after school..."

That was all she had to say. Unlike most American teachers, Japanese teachers could, and did, enforce rules.

Ryo became slightly nervous. He was standing in front of thirty first-grade students. All were peering at him attentively. He almost wished that someone would start talking out of place, because it was so darned quiet!

Fortunately, his agent had already worked out what he was to say. It wasn't anything really important; just stuff about sportsmanship and fairness and all the stuff famous people talked about at schools.

After he was done with the lecture, there was a few minutes of class time left. So the teacher allowed the students to ask questions. The first person he called on was a small boy with glasses. He kind of looked like Sho, but he had black hair.

"Kaiser-sama," he said, "is it true that you danced on a table once? That's what my sister's magazine says."

Ryo sighed internally before replying,"Don't believe anything those magazines say. They just tell lies. Next question."

The next question came from an intelligent-looking girl with a pointed chin. She said, "Did you really get a perfect score on your exam at Duel Academia? That's what my father says."

Ryo answered in the affirmative.

The next few questions were nothing extraordinary. One kid asked if Ryo still had a bedtime. Another had heard about the trip to America, and wanted to hear about it. A third kid wanted to know if Ryo liked baseball.

The next person was the pointy-chin girl. She looked at Ryo with a gaze Ryo was sure he had seen before, and stated, "My dad says he likes how you duel. He wants to give you an 'dorsement."

"Endorsement, Aiko," interrupted the teacher. She then looked apologetic and said, "Sorry for interrupting you, Kaiser-sama."

Ryo hardly heard her. How would a six-year-old know about endorsements? She said her father had wanted to give him one. Who could it be?

Wait a minute...Seto Kaiba had a daughter named Aiko, didn't he? Now things made sense. His agent had obviously set this up so Ryo could have a photo op with Kaiba's daughter!

Ryo decided then and there that his agent was officially fired.

Aiko was still patiently waiting for an answer. Finally, Ryo said, "I'll have to talk to you later about that."

Fortunately, the bell rang just then.

The children left the classroom, presumably to go to lunch or some such thing.

The teacher was examining something on Aiko's desk. Finally she walked over to Ryo.

She bowed, then said confusedly, "I think this is for you."

It was a note, written in very sloppy and poorly spelled hiragana, "I knew what was going on. I have to get my picture taken all the time. I heard that you don't like doing that. I don't like it either. So I tried to warn you in advance. I hope I did all right."

Well, that wasn't exactly what it said. He could tell that Aiko didn't know how to write very many characters yet, so she misused some and completely left out others. Still, that seemed to be the basic point of what she was saying.

Aiko was watching from the doorway, and Ryo swore that she was hiding a smile. She dashed off before the teacher could scold her about being late.

Ryo was in a better mood now. He was still definitely going to fire that stupid agent, but maybe now he'd do so in a slightly nicer manner.

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Fortunately, the agent didn't protest too much. He knew he had messed up.

Within a couple of days, the new agent had arrived. He was completely different from the previous agent. While the old agent had been fat and balding, this one was slender and impeccably dressed, with a sly look in his eye.

Ryo was uneasy. Something wasn't right about this guy...

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A/N: Aha! Now we're getting somewhere! This new agent is the one in the show. For those of you who haven't seen the show, this new guy is NOT a nice character.

However, there's one funny part where Ryo tosses this agent out of the limo. I thought that was kind of creepy. After all, I was having Ryo doing things like that in this fanfic weeks before that episode even aired!

P.S. Sorry if there wasn't enough chibiness. I just don't like chibis. They creep me out. I was more aiming for a portrayal of normal, if respectful and hard-working, kids.

EDIT: I just got randomly worried that Aiko is a Sue. It would be a bit hypocritical of me if she was, right? Can someone say if she's a Sue or not? I'll fix any Sue-like traits if they exist. I'm fairly sure she's not a Sue, but I wanted to err on the side of caution.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: This chapter is mainly to emphasize just how creepy the new agent is. Just in case I didn't make it clear enough already.

Disclaimer: Still own nothing...

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Ryo had thought his old agent had been obsessed with his job. Perhaps he had been. However, he was nothing compared to the new agent!

The new agent watched Ryo's every move. He sat next to him at the table, got an apartment next to him, planned all of Ryo's activities, and even went to the bathroom with him!

Well, that last one was a bit of an exaggeration. He actually just waited by the bathroom door. But still!

And the most important thing of all: the agent had a really stupid name. What kind of a name was "Monkey"? SOMEONE obviously read too much manga.

The old agent had mysteriously disappeared. Ryo, although he knew thinking such things was wrong, wouldn't have been surprised if "Monkey" had had a hand in this disappearance.

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"I can cut my own meat, you know."

"Of course I do!" said "Monkey" indignantly.

He then proceeded to cut up the meat in Ryo's curry dish. Ryo sweatdropped and said nothing more.

This incident was occurring at the Cartoon-Bowl-of-Noodles-Restaurant. Apparently, "Monkey" had some urgent business to discuss. Just like last night. And the night before that. And the one before THAT.

Ryo finally said, "So why are we here?"

"Monkey" replied, "We need to see about finding you a girlfriend."

Ryo said, "Not interested. Next topic, please."

But "Monkey" pressed on.

"Well, what about a boyfriend then?"

The sweatdrop returned as Ryo practically shouted, "I didn't mean THAT kind of 'not interested'! I just don't feel like I need someone else in my life!"

"It doesn't have to be anything serious. Just an opportunity for the press to see you with somebody. You don't have to worry about anything. I'll arrange everything."

"I'm not going on a blind date, and that is absolutely final!"

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'I can't believe he talked me into going on a blind date...'

It was the next day, and once again Ryo was at the Cartoon-Bowl-of-Noodles Restaurant. He would have to find a new restaurant soon, because he'd been to this one for ten days straight!

Just then, he saw Monkey's car. There was no other car like it. It was black, and it had silver devil horns, and it was sent straight from the fiery burning pits of HELL!

Again, that was an exaggeration. The car actually just had silver decorations that looked a bit like horns.

Then he saw "Monkey" get out of the car with...a FANGIRL!

The fiery burning pits of hell actually didn't sound all that bad right about now.

This particular fangirl looked particularly unusual because she had dyed her hair bright red.

The fangirl saw Ryo looking at her hair and said, "Like it? It's natural!"

Riiiigggghhhht. And Ryo was a watermelon which had glittery silver wings.

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Forget electricity bills. This girl's hair could light up the whole restaurant for free.

The brightness of it was starting to hurt Ryo's eyes.

Actually, come to think of it, the hair wasn't so bad after all. Not when "Monkey" was hovering a centimeter from the table, breathing down Ryo's neck.

"Does he always do that?" asked the fangirl, referring to "Monkey".

"Yes."

"Oh. Okay."

And thus, that stimulating conversation ended.

After a while, the fangirl tried a new subject.

"Do you collect stuffed animals?"

"Why would I do that? My brother's always been the one who collects them."

The fangirl apparently thought this was the wittiest remark ever made, because she burst out laughing REALLY loudly.

Everyone in the restaurant was staring. "Monkey", however, was unperturbed. He didn't budge one bit from his prime neck-breathing spot.

This had to be a nightmare. No real-life incident could be so horrible. Ryo pinched himself.

It wasn't a nightmare.

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Ryo could see the line of paparazzi just waiting to take their pictures. Some people were so excited, they had actually broken the law and stepped over the boundary that the restaurant had set.

As soon as the two-and-a-half (because there was no way "Monkey" was an actual person) people stepped out, the cameras started going off at the approximate rate of 500 flashes per second.

The fangirl loved every minute of it. She posed so much that Ryo was forced to grab her by the arm and drag her away.

Which was a big mistake. Now the magazines would write about how Ryo physically abused his companions. The tabloids would probably find a way to fit a gruesome murder into the story.

For some reason, "Monkey" looked like he was about to wet his pants in joy. Ryo could not see what was so great about the fact that he now had a reputation as a domestic abuser.

Then again, Monkey's mind worked in very strange ways.

Fortunately, they had just arrived at the "demon car".

When they were driving off, "Monkey" tried to talk Ryo into taking the fangirl to a movie. Ryo was able to deny this plan, but just barely.

Seriously, this guy scared him.

And why had the fangirl not said a single word during this car ride?

Ryo looked over. The fangirl was staring at him in an almost zombie-like trance.

He should have known.

It was only after the fangirl had been dropped off at some random street that Ryo realized he had never even gotten the girl's name.

However, he would bet quite a lot of money that her name was Sakura.. It would just figure.

The demon car finally stopped at Ryo's apartment building. He walked to his apartment, "Monkey" so close behind him that he practically tripped on Ryo's shoes.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Finally! I'm back from my vacation where I only had a dial-up computer. I can finally update!

By the way, I'm going to leave out the quotation marks around Monkey's name from now on. I think everyone gets the point.

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything.

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It was the time of day when the mail arrived.

As soon as it did, Monkey snatched all the mail up. Oh sure, he SAID he was checking it for anthrax and/or bombs, but it was obvious he was actually reading all of it before Ryo did.

Finally, Ryo managed to pry the mail out of Monkey's hands. There was a lot of junk mail, some fanmail (he got most of it via e-mail), and what looked to be an invitation of some sort.

Ryo had one spot where all the invitations he got went. That spot was the trash. He detested parties of any kind. This was especially true now that he was famous.

When Ryo finished thinking this, he was in the kitchen. The instant the invitation left his fingertips to fall in the trash can, Monkey dashed all the way from the living room to the kitchen, managing to catch the letter before it reached the trash!

How did he DO that?

By the time Ryo had opened his mouth to protest, Monkey was already on his cell phone, making arrangements for the party.

It turned out that the invitation was for a charity event. So basically, Ryo would have to pay a hundred thousand yen to go to a party he didn't even want to go to in the first place!

That didn't seem fair. But there was no arguing with Monkey.

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The day of the party found Ryo in a terrible mood. Of course, he was never exactly cheerful, but he usually didn't scowl this much on a normal day.

Monkey had only let him have a cup of tea for breakfast.

"If you eat too much, you won't fit into your clothes properly!" Monkey had whined.

Aha. Ryo hadn't known that it was popular to faint in the middle of an event from low blood sugar. Well, he'd seen weirder things.

He just hoped he wouldn't actually faint.

Then he had had to get another haircut. The stylist had insisted that Ryo try out the new hair-cutting technique that was so popular in America.

This technique apparently involved cutting every strand of hair individually with a tiny and blunt razor.

It was lunchtime before Ryo walked out of that place.

Lunch turned out to be more tea and three crackers.

Monkey explained that all the tea was "to flush out all the toxins".

Oh, toxins? Like Monkey, for example?

That one was just so obvious, Ryo didn't even bother saying it aloud.

Then they had to go pick up Ryo's suit from the store. Apparently, it was the BEST SUIT EVER. Not to mention that it looked exactly like any other suit that Ryo had ever seen.

It was now 4:00, and the event would start at five. Ryo and Monkey got in the limo (luckily, not the Demon Car this time), and drove off.

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Hey, wait a minute. This wasn't the way to the address on the invitation! Ryo pointed this out, but Monkey just smirked.

Eventually, they stopped at an all-too familiar place. This was the street where Ryo's so-called "date" lived!

Well, it looked like she'd be his date again.

This time, he asked Monkey what her name was. It was "Sakura", just like he'd thought.

Sakura exited her house almost immediately. She'd dyed her hair again. This time, it was blonde with pink streaks.

When she got in the car, Ryo sarcastically said, "I don't think you're wearing enough makeup."

He had forgotten for the moment that sarcasm was wasted on fangirls. Sakura immediately said, "I was worried about that! Here, let me put on some more!"

If Ryo had been holding a paper fan at the time, he would have definitely hit himself in the face with it.

No one said anything else until they got to the event.

There were many other cars pulling up, but no cameras were focused on them. Oh no. It was only Ryo's car that was worth photographing.

Sakura smiled brightly at the cameras. She had such a tight grip on Ryo's arm, it was a wonder that his shoulder wasn't being dislocated.

Somehow, they reached the door to the building where the party was. Ryo gave the door attendant his ticket. Or rather, Monkey took the ticket from Ryo's hand and gave it to the attendant.

Sakura was too busy posing to notice any of this.

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The party turned out to be boring, boring, and more boring still.

There was no one his age there (other than Sakura, but she didn't count). It was all old people who were droning on and on about the stock market.

What was more, the wives of all those boring old men kept pinching Ryo's cheek.

Then it was time for dinner. At least Ryo could now occupy himself by eating. But the food wasn't worth note either. There didn't seem to be any actual food. Most of the plates were taken up by garnishes.

Monkey didn't eat anything. He spent the whole meal doing his usual hovering and "neck-breathing".

After the meal was finally over, there was more discussion of the stock market, interrupted at one time for an auction of artwork that Ryo didn't want.

Monkey managed to obtain a wood-carving of some demon or other during the auction. It just figured.

There was even more boring chatter, and then the party was finally over. It was about time, too-past midnight, in fact!

Sakura had to be dropped off at her house. Ryo suddenly realized that he had never seen her parents. The again, he didn't really want to see them.

As soon as Ryo got home and managed to escape Monkey, he commenced to prepare some REAL FOOD! In other words, ramen.

A/N: Okay, one story updated, two more that I might get to!


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I thought it was high time for another story arc! So, well, here it is.

Disclaimer: I'm starting to friggin HATE these disclaimers. Anyway, I don't own Yu Gi Oh or GX.

Ryo was bored.

Nothing had happened since the party.

He had now won eight duels in a row. The fangirls were as bad as ever. What was worst of all, Monkey was convincing Ryo to do more and more outrageous things.

One time, he had even told Ryo to punch a photographer in the face! Luckily, Ryo had not followed that particular suggestion.

What was it with Monkey and his insistence that violence would solve everything?

In short, Ryo really needed to take another vacation. One that would torture Monkey to no end. Ryo had the perfect idea.

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"CAMPING? Kaiser, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! You have an image to keep up. You are Kaiser Ryo. Kaiser Ryo does not go camping."

Ryo thought fleetingly-maybe even longingly- of the old agent's enthusiastic support of any activity that would get Ryo out of his apartment. Monkey only supported activities that furthered his own agenda (whatever that may have been).

Monkey was now listing everything bad about camping.

"There's insects, of course. We could run out of food or water or both. It could rain. And my clothes will be absolutely ruined!"

For once, Ryo pushed Monkey out of the way and started packing.

The next day, they were on the subway. From there, they would hike to whatever spot would be best for camping.

Monkey was still whining.

"Can't we go to one of the good campgrounds? One that has running water and electricity?"

Monkey had always been obsessed with electricity for some reason. In fact, it was the reason why Ryo had decided to rough it. He hadn't wanted to wake up and find that Monkey had created an apocalypse overnight.

When they reached the last stop on the subway line, Monkey clung to the edge of the door. Ryo had to pull him off one finger at a time.

Monkey spent the whole hike alternating between complaining and thinking up evil plots. Okay, so Ryo didn't know for SURE that was what Monkey was thinking, but it was the most likely thing.

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Maybe this was a bad idea after all.

It was Monkey's job to set up the tent, and it was obvious he didn't know how.

For one thing, he was using his foot, and not a mallet, to try to get the pegs in the ground.

For another, he was setting up a tent in such a way that there would be a boulder in the middle of the sleeping-space.

Ryo looked over exasperatedly from where he was sitting.

"I'll set up the tent. You try to get the fire going." He offered.

Monkey's head jerked up at once.

"Did you say FIRE?"

Ryo had forgotten that Monkey liked fire almost as much as electricity.

Why had he even brought Monkey with him in the first place?

That, Ryo decided, was one of the great mysteries of the universe.

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It was suppertime.

Thankfully, Ryo had brought enough food to last for the whole trip if rationed. He knew it would be a bad idea to even go fishing with Monkey around. He'd probably turn the fishing poles into a nuclear bomb or something.

Monkey was just sitting there, gazing into the fire. He wasn't eating anything.

Come to think of it, Ryo had never seen him eat anything before. Not even at the all-powerful Cartoon-Bowl-of-Noodles Restaurant.

Ryo finished eating. Monkey was still looking at the fire.

Then Ryo started reading a book with his flashlight. Monkey continued to look at the fire.

Ryo went to bed. Monkey hadn't budged.

In the middle of the night, Ryo woke up to go to the bathroom. Monkey wasn't in the tent.

As Ryo saw when he got outside, Monkey had fallen asleep watching the fire, which was now burning out.

Ryo's new goal for the next day: find a way to abandon Monkey in the wilderness.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I think this will be my last update in a while. See my profile for further details.

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.

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The next morning turned out to be beautiful. The sunlight streamed through the flap at the front of the tent. The birds were singing. A strong smell of smoke was in the air, and...

Wait a minute. What was that last part again? Smoke in the air? That could only mean one thing.

Monkey had obviously found the matches.

He had relit the fire. Well, relit was an understatement. The fire was now a bonfire two meters in diameter! It stopped less than a meter from where Ryo was currently standing.

Change of plans. First Ryo would have to put out the fire. THEN he could abandon Monkey in the wilderness.

Putting out the fire turned out to be quite a chore. Not only did it require most of their extra water, but Monkey kept relighting the edges when Ryo wasn't looking! However, it did eventually get done.

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As it turned out, the fire was a blessing in disguise. Now Ryo had an excuse for venturing into the wilderness-he had to get more water!

As soon as breakfast was over, the two set off. Ryo took care to hide the matches first.

A bit into the woods, the trail divided in two. Ryo remembered which part led to the river. But chances were that Monkey didn't.

"The river is over that way. You go ahead and find it. I'll mark our path so we won't get lost on the way back," Ryo said.

They started off. As soon as Ryo was a considerable distance behind, he ran back to the other, correct path and refilled their canteens.

Ryo couldn't help but be a bit excited. Monkey was gone! Oh sure, he'd probably find his way back eventually, but Ryo would have definitely went back to Tokyo by then.

In fact, maybe he'd cut the trip short, just to be safe. He'd start packing right away.

Just as Ryo was approaching the safety of the campsite, however, he felt it. The NECK-BREATHING OF PERIL!

Sure enough, Monkey had been right behind him all the time!

"It wasn't the right path." Monkey pointed out.

"Sorry..." was all Ryo could say.

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Okay. Now it was time for Plan B.

Ryo thought up what he believed was an even better plan. He would send Monkey off to find firewood. This time, he'd send Monkey alone, so there would be no one for him to follow.

Monkey seemed happy enough to do the chore. Thankfully, he seemed to not have caught on to Ryo's plan.

An hour passed. Then two. Still no sign of Monkey!

Ryo dared to be hopeful. The hope would not last long.

Ryo was almost done packing when he started to hear a dragging noise. The noise kept getting louder.

Finally, Monkey walked into the camp. He was dragging a whole tree! It had been apparently dug up by the roots.

Just how was such a skinny guy dragging that whole tree? And how had he dug it up without so much as a garden spade?

The one foolproof answer for everything: He could do it because he was Monkey.

Monkey dropped the tree right in front of Ryo. Some leaves and twigs flew off and hit Ryo in the face.

"I hope this is enough!" Monkey said in a supposedly cheerful voice. But the smirk on his face was all too obvious.

Ryo said nothing. He just sweatdropped.

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Plan C would work for sure! It just HAD to.

Ryo sure had plenty of time to think about it as he dragged the tree back a safe distance away from camp.

Finally, he thought of something. It was a bit desperate, but it would have to do.

He would send Monkey out to gather some berries. There just so happened to be a huge bush of bright red berries right outside the camp.

Ryo knew that the berries were a poisonous type. He would just "forget" to tell Monkey that.

"Be sure to taste them first!" Ryo called after Monkey as happily as he could.

Monkey was back in less than five minutes. He was rolling his eyes.

"Kaiser, that's your dumbest plan yet. EVERYONE knows that bright red berries are usually poisonous!"

Wait a minute. So he had known all this time? That just figured.

Now, Ryo thought, it was time for Plan D. Namely, just trying to survive the rest of the trip without Monkey burning down the whole forest.

Not much happened the rest of the day. Ryo was tired from thinking up his plans, and Monkey was tired from pretending to be fooled by those plans.

They basically just had supper and went to bed. Ryo made sure Monkey stayed in the tent this time.

They'd just have to make it until morning, and then they could go back. Now the goal was not to get rid of Monkey. It was just to stay in one piece overnight!


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: The problem with including Hell Kaiser in this fic is...he's just not FUNNY. I can think of maybe one good joke involving him. He'll appear in this fic, but I'm not sure how big of a role he can play.

As for Sho...yeah, I'll try to fit him in. But it won't be easy.

And that's really all I have to say now. Except...100 reviews! Yay!

If you'll believe it, I was just spurred on to write this fic by a random dream I had. So I had no idea it would turn out to be so successful.

Disclaimer: I still don't own GX.

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They went back to Tokyo the very next day.

Monkey was torn between the thrill of getting back to civilization and disappointment that he couldn't light any more fires.

To keep his mind from the fires, he spent several days in his office, making mysterious phone calls.

Ryo really should have worried more, but as long as Monkey was leaving him alone, he wasn't complaining.

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"Oh _Kai-ser_!"

Well, it couldn't last.

It was the next week, and Ryo had actually begun to take his new freedom for granted.

Big mistake on his part.

When Monkey used that singsong voice, nothing of any good was about to happen.

Ryo rolled his eyes and said, "WHAT?"

Monkey walked into Ryo's apartment (he had been waiting outside the door). He was holding a large stack of papers.

"You've won ten duels in a row, am I correct?" said Monkey in that same fake voice.

"Whatever..."

"No, it's a very big occasion! Think of all the money that could be made!"

"I would prefer not to."

"Since this is such a profitable occasion, I have done you a favor and arranged an exhibition match for two weeks from now!"

So far, it wasn't so bad. Exhibition match opponents were wimps.

But Monkey was not done talking.

"Although TECHNICALLY an exhibition match, this will be the television event of the season! We will want all potential viewers to know about it well in advance. And how do we let them know?"

Oh great. Ryo knew where THIS was going.

"We ADVERTISE, of course!"

Maybe it still wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he could just shoot one commercial and be done with it.

Monkey, however, had apparently never heard of "not so bad", as evidenced by his next sentence.

"And how do we advertise? We shoot a documentary!"

As Ryo repeatedly slammed his head against the wall, Monkey clasped his hands together in greed.

Naturally, there was nothing Ryo could do. Shooting would begin tomorrow.

Ryo tried to save some aspect of sanity by not thinking about what exactly would go on film.

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At six AM the next day, Ryo was woken up by a knock on his door.

Thinking it was Monkey, Ryo stumbled out of bed and opened the door while still half-awake and in his pajamas.

It wasn't Monkey. It was the camera crew. And the cameras were already rolling.

Now would be a perfect time for a tsunami. Or an earthquake. Or an asteroid collision. ANYTHING but this!

Ryo was able to go to the bathroom unmolested. But that was about all the private time he had that morning.

He still didn't know what was so fascinating about him eating breakfast, or brushing his teeth.

Not even Ryo's most icy death glare scared the people away!

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Monkey finally arrived when the crew was filming the thrill-a-moment event of Ryo tying his shoes.

"I have the schedule for filming!" he beamed (although "smirked" would be closer to what Monkey's face actually looked like).

This schedule was so long that it took nine pages to hold it all.

Just how long did this moronic documentary have to be?

Maybe if Ryo thought about all these events one at a time, it wouldn't be so overwhelming.

Day One-Noon

Well, here they were at the center of all of Monkey's evil plots; otherwise known as the ubiquitous Cartoon Bowl of Noodles Restaurant.

It was definitely not acting as a sanctuary for Ryo today.

First, there was this long and boring interview. It was even worse than the one in America, because the questions were even more inane.

For example: "What is your opinion on square watermelons?"

Who would even CARE?

And then, of course, they had to get more riveting footage of Ryo eating.

Day One-2 PM

Ryo was now obligated to show the leeches-er, camera crew-his favorite places to "hang out".

Ryo had started to say that he never hung out anywhere, but was stopped by a glare from Monkey.

So he had to show them the grocery store, the newspaper stand, and the card store.

The camera people were disappointed that there were no video arcades or anything "cool", but they asked where Ryo liked to go, and that was about it.

It wasn't his fault that he wasn't a "people person".

Day One-3 PM

Attack by fangirls. The camera people loved every minute of it.

Stupid girls were still wearing those heinous "Flying Carrots" shirts!

Day One-5 PM

Well, at least the first day was over. Only three more left to go.

Tomorrow they would pay a visit to Ryo's family. Ryo was sure that they couldn't wait.

Though it would be amusing to see how Tetsusaiga reacted to all these new "friends".

Ryo went back in to his apartment, but not before checking to make sure the camera people were really gone.

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A/N: As you can see, we're GETTING to Hell Kaiser, but it may take a while.

Expect Sakura to make another appearance before this arc is complete.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Gi Oh or GX.

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Day Two-5:30 AM

Ha! Ryo had outsmarted the camera crew!

He had set his alarm clock to 5:30 so he wouldn't be surprised by them again at six!

Well, there was still some time before then, so he'd go get some breakfast before changing out of his pajamas.

So Ryo walked into the living room...

Only to find the whole camera crew sitting there, drinking tea, and reading old newspapers.

One of them finally broke the silence with, "Oh, there you are! We've been waiting since four!"

Great. They were obviously demons who didn't require sleep!

Day Two-8:00 AM

As if they hadn't got enough footage of boring stuff the day before, the crew filmed everything again today!

And the footage of Ryo getting ready for the day was just as boring as the day before.

Well, maybe Ryo could at least hide in his room when they arrived at his family's house.

Day Two-10:00 AM

The subway ride over was so full that there was no room for any camera equipment.

For once in his life, Ryo was thankful for the existence of prodding-sticks.

But on the other hand, taking the subway meant he didn't have his bike. There would be no means for ESCAPE!

Well, Ryo would have to think about that later, because they had reached their stop.

Day Two-11:00 AM

After the crew filmed the front of the house for about 9000 years, Ryo was finally allowed to open the door.

The door was unlocked, since Mrs. Marafuji was expecting them.

There was no barking from Tetsusaiga. Instead, a series of loud slobbering and crunching sounds filled the house.

Not even visitors could distract Tetsusaiga from his food.

Something must have tipped Tetsusaiga off to their presence, for he suddenly ran into the living room, barking while still having his mouth full. The bits of food that kept falling from his mouth detracted somewhat from the fierceness.

But Tetsusaiga was not really intending to be fierce. To him, more people in the house meant more people to greet.

And he tried to do so, as the camera people clung onto any available furniture in a futile attempt to escape.

But of course, as soon as Mrs. Marafuji walked into the room and put Tetsusaiga's muzzle on, they just HAD to film him as he sat there mournfully!

Ryo, meanwhile, had finally managed to sneak up to his room.

Day Two-Noon

It couldn't last.

No sooner had Ryo escaped than his mom was calling everyone down for lunch.

Mrs. Marafuji actually LOVED the attention. Anything that let her prove her cooking skills was fine with her.

Plus, she delighted in finding the most embarrassing stories possible from Ryo's childhood (even though Ryo was quite certain that Sho had actually done most of those things).

Tetsusaiga COULD have bothered the crew for scraps, but no. He spent the whole meal drooling on Ryo's knee.

Day Two-1:30 PM.

Time for Sho's interview.

He did NOT want to participate.

In fact, he locked his door and then piled all his action figures against it.

Ryo knew that Sho would have much rather spent the weekend at school. However, the crew had wanted to interview everyone they could get their hands on!

Sho opened the door only when Mrs. Marafuji promised that he could have a bowl of his American cereal afterwards.

Ryo decided to walk Tetsusaiga-or rather, to get walked by Tetsusaiga. He just hoped that his arm wouldn't be too sore after wrenching Tetsusaiga away from other dogs, squirrels, and random pieces of litter.

Day Two-3:00 PM

When Ryo finally got back, Sho was at the table, a heaping bowl of cereal before him. In fact, it was so heaping that it was really testing the definition of "bowl of cereal".

Mrs. Marafuji was already getting started on dinner. Ryo spent the rest of the afternoon being sent to the store to pick up ingredients that were not in the house.

Day Two-6:00 PM

The dinner was uneventful, except for one thing.

"NO! BAD DOG! I'm so sorry; I thought we had trained him out of this! BAD DOG!"

Well, Ryo had to admit that peeing on the enemy's notebook was a rather obscure military tactic. But anything that could help win the war against the camera crew was fine by him!

Day Two-8:00 PM

Poor Sho couldn't get a break.

Now they were forcing him to duel against Ryo, and he was about to lose four turns in.

Thankfully, Tetsusaiga ran in right then and sat on the dueling mat.

Good. Tetsusaiga didn't like the camera people either. Or maybe he was just being stupid.

Day Two-9:00 PM

Bedtime.

Next day, Ryo would be forced to see Sakura again. In fact, they would have to go on a DATE while the crew filmed the whole thing.

Ryo was still fervently hoping for that tsunami/earthquake/asteroid.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I had to finish up that summer thing at college, and I start the fall semester in ten days. So...I'm trying to fit in what I can in that window of time.

Day Three-1:00 AM

Everyone was fast asleep, only to be jarred awake by Tetsusaiga's most ferocious barking.

Apparently, one of the reporters had gone to the kitchen to get a drink of water, and had stepped on Tetsusaiga's tail by accident.

The ever-vigilant watchdog had been snoring away in the middle of the floor, so it wasn't entirely the reporter's fault.

It wasn't Ryo's fault either, so he saw no need to apologize. He stayed in his room.

Day Three-7:00 AM

Breakfast time.

For once, the film-makers were not bothering Ryo. They were too busy planning the day's events.

Apparently, they were pulling out all the stops. They would force Ryo to take Sakura to lunch, THEN to a movie, THEN back to his apartment, where they would be interviewed.

They would be interviewed both together and seperately.

Ryo hoped that they wouldn't make him hold Sakura's hand. Or worse.

Day Three-9:00 AM

Subway ride back to Tokyo. Not much happened here.

However, it was quite amusing when one of the cameras was accidentally poked by a prodding stick.

Most unfortunately, it wasn't damaged seriously.

Day Three-10:00 AM

Ryo had exactly two hours of time to himself before the date started. He spent most of that time planning which disguise to wear to avoid the fangirls.

In the end, he concluded that none of them worked anymore.

Day Three- Noon

Surprise! They were NOT eating at the noodle restaurant for lunch.

Instead, they stopped at a street vendor and bought takoyaki.

Then they stopped at a park bench to eat.

The reason for this became clear soon. Apparently, footage of Ryo swatting away hungry birds was an integral part of the documentary.

Sakura was too stupid to be embarrassed. She threw pieces of her food to the birds. Of course, that only encouraged said birds to bother them MORE!

Day Three-2:00 PM.

It was kind of hard for Ryo to enjoy the movie when the camera crew was at work in the row right behind him.

Ryo impatiently swatted a camera away.

Just a few minutes later, the camera stealthily inched back to its former place. The part that held the lens gently nudged Ryo's face as if to say, "Ha ha, you sucker, I'm back!"

Ryo batted at it again.

It just moved back again.

This process repeated itself throughout the movie.

And when Ryo was not occupied with the camera, he was putting up with Sakura.

Firstly, Sakura could never get what was going on. Every time a character in the movie did so much as breathe, Sakura turned to Ryo and asked, "What are they doing now?"

If Ryo didn't answer, Sakura kept poking him in the arm, and eventually even in the ribs. If he did, she would ask more detailed questions.

Case in point: About halfway through the movie, a character was getting in a car. Sakura asked, "What's that guy doing?"

Ryo replied without looking at her, "Are you blind? He's getting in a car!"

"Yes, but WHY is he getting in the car?"

"If you hadn't been talking to me five minutes ago, you would have known."

"Can you just tell me?"

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND WATCH THE GODDAMNED MOVIE ALREADY?"

At this, the ushers looked like they wanted nothing more than to kick Ryo, Sakura, AND the camera people out of the theater. They had most likely been bribed not to.

However, Ryo did feel sorry for the other people who were just trying to watch the movie. He vowed to refund everybody's tickets as soon as he could.

Day Three-5:00 PM

It was time for the interview.

Sakura went first. Ryo turned on the TV in his room in a vain attempt to drown out the high-pitched giggling coming from the living room.

After all this, Ryo couldn't believe that, after all his coldness towards Sakura, she still LIKED him! In fact, Ryo would be much happier if she didn't like him at all.

Day Three-5:30 PM

Ryo's turn.

He just sat there and glared at everybody until they finally gave up and decided to cut to the final part of the interviewing.

Day Three-5:45 PM

Ryo just wanted to get this over with so he could eat his dinner.

Just one more partial day after this, and he would finally be left in (relative) peace for good!

Surprisingly, the reporters didn't start with their questions. They seemed to be waiting for something.

Finally, Ryo demanded for them to tell him what the delay was.

One reporter said, "Didn't we tell you? We're waiting for you two to kiss!"

Ryo just stared at everybody in shock.

The reporter took that opportunity to add, "And remember, it has to be a good one!"

WHAT IN THE NAME OF...?

Day Three-5:50 PM

Ryo slammed the door to his apartment on the film crew and Sakura. They could take Sakura home-they knew the way to her house.

Ryo then washed his face four times, brushed his teeth for six minutes. Only then did he consider himself "purified".

He went to bed early, because he had completely lost his appetite for supper.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Yeah, I've decided that I need to wrap this fic up soon. It turned out to be a lot longer than I had originally anticipated.

So I think I'll try to end this in the next five chapters or so. That means a brief appearance by HK, but nothing too detailed.

By the way...anyone ever notice that "Hell Kaiser" sounds a LOT like "Al Qaeda" if you say it quickly? My parents pointed that one out when my brother and I were talking about HK at dinner last night. Not that it has much to do with this fic, but weird nonetheless.

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Most of the last half-day of filming consisted of a long interview.

They had already asked about square watermelons and the like. Now it was on to the serious stuff.

However, even that was carefully edited to make sure it sounded as good and non-controversial as possible.

Most of the so-called "serious" questions were really stupid. Typical example: "Do you feel pressured to have an undefeated record?"

Well DUH. That was kind of the whole POINT, wasn't it?

Ryo would have said that, but Monkey was lurking somewhere in the room's shadowed corner. So he made up some lie about how it was indeed difficult, but it was worth it because of his loyal fans.

Nothing could be farther from the truth, of course.

However, all things must come to an end, even this. Somehow, Ryo survived the interviews, and the filming crew finally left to return to whichever studio/skyscraper/dungeon they had originated from.

But they could have originated out of thin air for all Ryo cared. All that mattered was that this torture session was now behind him.

It was over! Finally! Ryo could exist again!

He had plans to just lock himself up in his apartment until that exhibition match, just reveling in the solitude.

Wait a minute. That reminded him.

He still didn't know who this exhibition opponent WAS.

And how could he do his best if he didn't even know his opponent?

The solitude would have to wait for a bit. This was crucial.

As much as Ryo hated to admit it, he needed Monkey's help.

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Lightning flashed and creepy music played as Ryo gazed up at the place where Monkey lived. A lone owl hooted menacingly and flew out of a dead tree, which was flailing its branches every which way. And then, the door to Monkey's residence slowly creaked open, and...

Yes, Ryo was exaggerating again. Actually, he was waiting in the apartment hallway, outside Monkey's door. However, if it wasn't a haunted house in reality, it certainly was in spirit!

Wow. That last thought was an exceedingly bad pun.

But puns or not, Ryo had to walk in and ask his question.

Monkey was standing approximately three millimeters away from the doorway, and Ryo had to be careful not to trip over him.

One good thing (and probably the only good thing) about Monkey was that he had detailed records about every single Pro League participant. Ryo wouldn't be surprised if Monkey had had tracking devices put on all these people. That was how good the records were.

As Ryo started flipping through the dozens of documents spread out on the table, he idly noticed that almost every single Pro League member had a stupid name.

Ryo was a bit confused by this, until he realized that these couldn't be their real names. Because no one would be stupid enough to name their kid some of the sillier names.

No, these had to be stage names. Ryo thought about maybe looking into a stage name for himself, but decided against it. That would be conforming to what the endorsers wanted, and Ryo had always been a nonconformist in cases like this.

Ryo flipped through schedules until he found the record for the person he was going to go up against in ten days.

He started reading it, then frowned and called Monkey over.

Of course, that was not a necessary action, since they both knew that Monkey had been breathing down Ryo's neck this whole time. However, Ryo felt bound to observe at least some niceties.

Monkey, also pretending he hadn't been there the whole time, asked what was wrong.

"There's a typo in this."

Monkey looked at the page, and announced that it was absolutely free of typos.

For once, Monkey had to be mistaken. There was no way this one thing could be right!

Ryo pointed at the person's birth date.

"See? The typo's right there. There's no way that could be correct. If it were, the guy would be younger than my brother, and people that young aren't in the Pro League."

Monkey continued to insist that all the facts were accurate.

Well, it wasn't like Monkey to have false information like this. But if this were true...

The truth slowly dawned on Ryo.

His opponent would be a fifteen-year-old!

When Ryo pointed this out, all Monkey said was, "Well, he's almost sixteen."

"I don't care if he's sixteen TOMORROW! What's he from, the Summer Camp Division of the Pro League?"

"He's a special case."

"Doesn't matter. The point is, he's fifteen and..."

"Almost sixteen..."

"Will you be QUIET? The point is, you should find someone who's actually OLD enough to be my opponent!"

Okay, time out. Ryo was getting too mad for his own good. There was no way he could reason properly unless he was calm. He had a reputation to keep up, and he couldn't blow it all with a show of temper.

So he became quiet for a few minutes.

Finally, he said, "All right. Fine. I will go up against this person. Even if he's fifteen..."

"Almost sixteen."

"Yes, I KNOW. Okay. Even if he's almost sixteen, then. Maybe there's more to him than appears on this sheet. Maybe not. But next time, try not to pull kids out of summer camp for exhibition matches, okay?"

Monkey opened his mouth to protest once more that this person was not from a summer camp, but Ryo was already walking out the door.

Ryo mumbled to himself too quietly for even Monkey to hear, "Well, at least it will be an easy match..."

A/N: Um...sure it will, Ryo. Right...

Anyway, soon it will be far enough into the dubbed second season that I won't have to put that spoiler warning in anymore! In fact, maybe I can take the warning down as early as next week (since I'm not doing much of this fic after the events of Episode 65).


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Wow, have I painted myself into a corner in the latter part of this story!

I had to think for a while to come up with an explanation for the fact that, in this fic, Ryo met Monkey BEFORE the underground dueling thing. I did manage to put some sort of explanation together, but it's not completely satisfactory.

And it also requires me to rewrite the scene where they meet in 65.

And sorry to end this so abruptly, but I watched the dubs of 57 and 65 and firmly decided that there was no way I could make them funny. So I'm just skipping over that stuff.

Disclaimer: Oh fic, we've been through SO MUCH together! A person plagiarising you, both welcome and not-so-welcome reviews (and if you, the reader, are a regular reviewer, you're probably a welcome reviewer, so don't worry), the Hell Kaiser crisis, and some fics by other authors which I swear were inspired by you!

But there's one thing that hasn't changed. And that is the fact that I don't own Yu Gi Oh GX.

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Some Time Later.

Things were not going well for Ryo.

Things were SO not going well for Ryo.

And, just in case some people weren't paying attention, Ryo reiterated: Things were SO DEFINITELY TOTALLY NOT going well for him.

After his recent streak of-er-bad luck, he was now a free agent.

To be honest, there were some good things about that. There were no more endorsements or fangirls. Sakura had apparently moved on to bugging someone else; probably Edo himself.

Edo, by the way, was the person who had completely humiliated Ryo in that exhibition match. Ryo had found out the hard way that this guy was definitely not from any summer camp division.

And as for Monkey...well, Ryo really didn't have a clue where that demon had gone. He was probably living in a dumpster, biding his time.

There was no way to tell for sure.

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HEY, wait a minute!

Who had put that camera in the shower?

It was bad enough that Ryo had been demoted to the minor leagues, but now they were putting cameras in HIS shower!

It had to be Monkey's doing. There was no other explanation. Maybe he was selling the pictures to dirty magazines or something.

Ryo threw a punch at the camera. It was unharmed, and continued to sit there smugly.

Well, there was only one cure for times like these. That cure was the Cartoon Bowl of Noodles Restaurant.

Ryo just hoped that the guards would let him in.

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He decided to take a route through the back alleys of Tokyo. There, the incidence of stupid reporters wanting him to tell them exactly WHY and HOW MUCH he sucked would be close to zero.

He was about halfway there when...he ran into the source of all his problems. Yes, Monkey was back, in all his sinister...sinisterness.

"Hello. I don't think we've met before." he said to Ryo.

At first, Ryo thought that this was Monkey's pathetic attempt at a joke.

Therefore, he rolled his eyes and said in a monotone, "Very funny, Monkey. Look, I'm dead from laughing..."

Monkey seemed surprised. He asked Ryo how he knew his name, since he hadn't introduced himself yet.

All Ryo could say was, "Okay, Monkey, I GET IT. No one recognizes me anymore. I am a nobody. Now will you quit goofing around?"

Monkey just kept on insisting that they were total strangers. After a while, Ryo gave up trying to contradict him.

Finally, Ryo realized what was going on. Monkey was not going to admit to knowing him any time soon. This was one of his ways of tormenting Ryo, and arguing with him would get Ryo nowhere.

Well, that seemed to be the most likely explanation, at least.

So Ryo decided to play along and act like this was their first meeting.

"Okay, Monkey," he said, "So we haven't met. Why did you decide to talk to me right now?"

"Well," replied Monkey, "I have a plan for you..."

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So, here they were. The underground dueling ring, where people who had way too much free time got drunk and watched absolutely pointless duels.

Ryo was sure this would be a heap of fun. Not.

As he was walking into the building, Monkey stopped him.

"There's one thing you should know before you go in there." he said.

Ryo raised an eyebrow and asked what this thing was.

"Well...my real name isn't Monkey. Monkey's just a stage name."

"And may I ask what your real name is?"

"Certainly. My real name is Mr. Shroud."

Ryo facefaulted, for reasons unknown to even him.

THE END

HALLELUJAH! IT'S OVER! W00T!

Thank you so much to all the people who have been reading this since it was wee bitty drabbles with no plot back in the first few chapters.

And I'm sorry if this was a lame ending. I just wanted to finish it before it got too out of control.

If I think of a better ending. I might post it. Maybe.

Once again, I couldn't have done it nearly as successfully without the readers!


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: This isn't quite an alternate ending. It's more of an epilogue to check in on some of the characters after the story ends. That way, there won't be as much of a sense of being "left hanging" after the end.

The parts about the characters will go more or less in their order of appearance.

And I REALLY hope this will boost the story to over twenty thousand words. That was kind of my goal, and I fell just short last time.

Disclaimer: Whatever I said I didn't own in the previous chapters, I still don't own now.

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The commercial director has decided to take a new approach to selling those duel disks. He recently announced that he was starting a new, edgier campaign to appeal to the teenage demographic. Before, he was mostly trying to sell the disks to children in the preteen age group.

Said campaign will contain edgier themes, a darker color scheme, and feature more "grown up" activities such as extreme sports in the background.

Coincidentally (or maybe not), this plan was announced about forty-eight hours after Hell Kaiser made his debut.

The "Flying Carrots" shirts emblematic of the advertisement campaign have also undergone a makeover. They used to be white with "Flying Carrots" printed on them in blue letters. Now, they're black with the words "Flying Hell Carrots" on them in red.

This has not changed the popularity of the shirts one bit.

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Now as for what's going on in America:

The Lakers actually made it to the playoffs! They most likely dunked the ball as much as ever.

The girls' magazine wasted no time in bringing Edo Phoenix to Los Angeles for HIS turn at being featured in the magazine. The magazine staff was always on the lookout for new "eye candy" that would help the magazine sell more copies, after all.

When the makeup lady heard about this plan, she let out a high-pitched squeal and fainted. In the process of fainting, she hit her head on a table and had to be taken to the hospital and treated for a concussion.

Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on one's point of view) she made a full recovery in time for the interview.

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Things are still as odd as ever at the Marafuji residence.

Tetsusaiga finally managed to chew the head off the lawn gnome. Mrs. Marafuji was not happy about this in the least.

She enrolled Tetsusaiga in dog obedience school, in the hopes that it would stop Tetsusaiga from ruining any more lawn ornaments. It didn't.

So, Mrs. Marafuji was forced to put all her lawn gnomes in the backyard shed. She just barely squashed her urge to hold a funeral for them.

Sho is still actively searching for someone who can take up the role of Sesshomaru. If you are interested, please call Sho at Duel Academia. It would be a good idea to get in shape, because the role requires quite a bit of exercise. And be prepared to make a resume and participate in a job interview. Sho takes this all very seriously indeed.

Because he's not going to pick just ANYONE to be Sesshomaru. Yuki Judai and Tenjoin Fubuki have already volunteered, but were politely turned down. The ideal Sesshomaru must have an almost perfect sense of the actual character.

Otherwise, as Sho says, "It just isn't the same!"

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The Cartoon Bowl of Noodles restaurant is still very much in business.

If you're lucky, you may catch a glimpse of Hell Kaiser in there. But these days, he doesn't even use the restaurant as a restaurant. He just sits in a corner and sulks.

The paparazzi have no interest in someone who just sits around all day, so they have mostly vacated the vicinity of the restaurant.

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Aiko thinks Hell Kaiser is scary. She used to like him, but not anymore.

Her father is still interested in giving Kaiser-sama an endorsement. Aiko doesn't really know why. Kaiser-sama hasn't replied to her dad's e-mails, which is kind of rude in Aiko's opinion. Who wouldn't want financial support from her dad?

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The old agent isn't dead after all!

As soon as he was fired, he tried to become Edo Phoenix's agent. This plan fell through when he belatedly realized that this guy already HAD an agent, who was not happy about someone trying to steal his job.

Today, the old agent is usually sitting in the streets of Tokyo, accompanied by a sign that says, "Will be an agent for food."

Monkey...er, Mr. Shroud... initially had more success than the old agent. However, Hell Kaiser soon decided that he didn't need any agents whatsoever to do his work for him.

So, more often than not, Monkey can be seen fighting with the old agent over prime begging space on the sidewalk.

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Ryo's instincts were correct. Sakura was indeed following Edo around

She served in the Kessha for a while in order to get closer to Edo, but eventually was kicked out because she was getting in the way of the Kessha's goals.

Because she didn't care about enlightenment or any of that stuff. No, Sakura just wanted to flirt with all the cute male Kessha followers.

The last time Sakura was spotted in Tokyo, she was in a salon getting her hair dyed lavender with neon green streaks.

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And that is basically how everything ended up.

Oh yes, one more thing Sho forgot to mention: it would make his day if he could find a person who was willing to dress up in full Sesshomaru costume, including face paint and that fluffy thing that no one really knows what it is.

There. Now THAT is everything!

A/N:Whew! Some more stuff was explained, and I think this is over the twenty thousand word mark!

For some reason, twenty thousand seems like a lot more than nineteen thousand...

Well anyway, thank you all once again for reading this!


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